The Ugly Condo Complexes of Vinegar Hill

Charming, charming Vinegar Hill. What ugly new condo complexes you have.

I was paying a visit to the Vinegar Hill House restaurant the other night when what do I encounter on my way back to the subway but one atrocious new apartment building after another. First came this one, 85 Hudson Street. The architect appears to have been going for the Early Erasmus Hall style. Seriously, I thought this was a school at first. Instead, it's just a gauche and gaudy pile of would-be classy bricks.

The builder of this structure, 99 Gold Street, a renovation of an old warehouse, seems to have been under the delusion that he was in Miami Beach and his creation faced the ocean. What's with all the vacation-rental-style balconies? This is apparently the kind of place that is occupied by young couples who fight a lot. From the sidewalk, I heard every world screamed by a pregnant newlywed chewing out her feckless, selfish, no-good husband, who goes out every night and only thinks of himself. He escaped the harangue by retreating to the balcony and checking his iPhone.

This, by the way, is right next to the site of the historic St. George's Church, which was callously torn down in 2008.

Just down the block from the Miami Vice Towers was this solid black tombstone known as 100 Gold Street. My pals at Corcoran are handling the sales at this beauty. I suspect it may be the headquarters of SPECTRE.