A Positive Slant

It may just be me, but lately it seems more buildings than usual have been suddenly plummeting to the ground, collapsing in a heap. Is it just that the building are getting damn old, or is all the new construction rumbling them to an early grave? I have my suspicions.

This four-story brick job on Union Street near Fourth Avenue in Brooklyn looks like a good candidate for the dirt—check out the worrisomely crooked line the right-hand wall takes as it travels skyward. And it appears that the tents known it well. They have christened their hovel The Leaning Brownstone. A brownstone it is not, though leaning it certainly is. Wonder what the landlord thinks of that bit of whimsy (I can't imagine he sprung for the awning, or approves of it.)

Lunch with Mike, Amanda and Patty

(Mayor Michael Bloomberg, City Planning Commissioner Amanda Burden and Department of Building Commissioner Patricia Lancaster walk down 52nd Street toward the Four Seasons Restaurant. Lancaster suddenly crosses to the other side of the street.)

Bloomberg: Patty! What's wrong with you. Get over here.

Lancaster: That thing looks a little shaky, Mr. Mayor.

Burden: What thing, Patty?

Lancaster: I don't walk under those anymore.

Bloomberg: That's an awning, you nitwit, not scaffolding. Stop cowering. I'm hungry. (Looks at the passing cars.) Goddamn traffic!

(They pass up the stairs to the restaurant.)

Bloomberg: Hello, Julian.

Julian Niccolini: Mr. Mayor, so good to see you. Your usual table?

Burden: The pool! The pool!

Bloomberg: The Grill Room is better for business.

Burden: The pool!

Bloomberg: All right, all right. Don't know how Steve Ross put up with you, Amanda. Julian, this place still landmarked?

Julian: I am happy to say it is. One of only two restaurant interiors in the city.

Bloomberg: What's the other?

Julian: Gage & Tollner in Brooklyn.

Bloomberg: Yeah. That closed, didn't it. It's a TGI Friday's now. Not as good as Subway, but good.

Julian: I believe that restaurant is also gone now.

Bloomberg: Too bad. It was good.

Julian: I did not have the pleasure.

Bloomberg: Yeah, yeah. If you want to fix that landmarking thing, just let me know. I can make it happen. You could spiff up the place. Give it a new look.

Julian: I will keep that in mind, Mr. Mayor. Here you are, ladies.

Lancaster: My, these prices are high.

Bloomberg: Look at those ceilings. Lot of wasted space here. Could fit three, four condo units in here.

Lancaster: Are there sharing plates?

Bloomberg: When are they gonna get Cheeze-its on this thing? I've told Julian...

Burden: I'm having the lobster.

Bloomberg: Me, too.

Lancaster: But they don't list the price.

Burden: Don't be such a skinflint, Patty. Live a little.

Lancaster: But...

Bloomberg: What you need is one of those things Quinn has, that slush fund...

Lancaster: Really? Can I get one of those?

Bloomberg: Uh, no. Belt-tightening, Patty. Belt-tightening. I'm asking all of the agencies...

Lancaster: But I read where you have more staff than ever...

Bloomberg: I asking most of the agencies...

Lancaster: I was just thinking I could use a few more building inspectors...

Bloomberg: The economy. Fiscal responsibility, Patty. I run City Hall like a business. Lotsa cubicles. That's why I'm such a raging success and people want me to be President.

Burden: I thought that was...

Bloomberg: I mean Governor.

Burden: Now, this is the kind of place I was talking about. The kind of place Harlem needs more of.

Lancaster: The Four Seasons?

Burden: If there was a Four Seasons on 125th Street, people would go to the Appalling Theatre.

Bloomberg: Apollo.

Burden: The Apollo Theatre. People will understand when the building gets underway. I know. I was a public schoolteacher in Harlem in the 1960s and there was never any decent sushi.

Bloomberg: Building? That reminds me. How much building we got going on, Patty.

Lancaster: I don't know. They keep asking me that. I don't know.

Bloomberg: Well, how many buildings did you approve today?

Lancaster: None.

Burden: None? Not even for 125th Street? Do you need an engraved invitation?

Lancaster: Well, there was that crane thing...

Bloomberg: I not interested in some new chick at the Bronx Zoo.

Lancaster: No, the crane that fell down. On the East Side.

Bloomberg: That was weeks ago.

Lancaster: People are upset, I'm afraid. My feet are really to the fire. They're accusing me of the most upsetting things...

Burden: So what? That crazy man at the commission meeting when we approved the Harlem rezoning yelled at me. He called me "a rich, rich, rich person."

Lancaster: Actually he called you a rich, rich, rich horrible person.

Burden: Oh. I wondered why he was so upset. I thought he was just jealous. If he wants to be rich, he should marry his own money.

Bloomberg: What's wrong with people? This is the nature of development. A few falling cranes are perfectly normal.

Lancaster: But people died...

Bloomberg: A few deaths are perfectly normal. Why, I killed a few people building my place in Bermuda. My God, Patty, do I have to have Doctoroff call you again and explain it all?

Lancaster: (shuddering) No, no, please don't do that.

Bloomberg: Man, cranes weren't falling when Doctoroff was around. I'm going to have Doctoroff call you.

Lancaster: No, please, Mr. Mayor...

Waiter: Have you decided?

Burden: Lobster. And the foie gras to start.

Bloomberg: That stuff'll kill you. You know what they do to those geese? I'm thinking of outlawing it in New York restaurants. That and salt. I'll have Lobster, too. Beet salad to start.

Lancaster: Could I get a bowl of consomme?

Burden: Oh, for heaven's sake, Patty, why don't ask them to boil you up some Raman noodles?

Lancaster: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not the richest person in New York City.

Burden: Well, neither am I, but you don't see me complaining.

Bloomberg: I am! But my parents were middle-class. Did I mention that. In fact, they were the last decent middle-class people to live in this country. Now all the best people are rich.

Lancaster: I'm not hungry.

Bloomberg: Amanda, how's that Chinatown rezoning coming?

Burden: Almost there. You know, I can never find anyplace to eat down there.

Bloomberg: Because I was on Pell Street the other day and all those buildings seemed really short. And dirty. The area's a mess.

Burden: It'll soon be fixed.

Julian: (carrying a bottle of Krug champagne) With the compliments of the gentleman across the pool.

Bloomberg: Who's that? Ah, geez. Ratner. Send it back, send it back. He's just wants something. Say, Julian, Obama been here lately?

Julian: Not in the past week.

Bloomberg: I've got an idea I want to run by him.

(Suddenly there is a loud crack following by a creaking sound. A huge crane crashes through the west wall of the Pool Room landing on Bruce Ratner, killing him instantly.)

Burden: Uh. My dress!

Lancaster: (rocking back and forth, reciting as if by rote) I inherited from Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani a department in disarray. I inherited from Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani a department in disarray.

Bloomberg: On second thought, Julian, leave the Krug.

A Good Sign: Katz's Delicatessen

A natural, I know. A classic. But I've never posted it before, so here it is.

The clock's a gem on its own. It wins points for whimsy.

The side signs are also worth noting. Fine examples of metal signing. One thing: Who was signmaker George Taran? Not a clue. But millions of people have seen his handiwork.

History in Starbucks: 910 Manhattan Avenue

This member of the coffee house chain, at 910 Manhattan Avenue in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, was once the Chopin Theatre, named after the great Polish composer, something the surrounding Polish community could appreciate. The 500-seat house was opened as the American Theatre, hence the eagle on the top. It was always a second-run house.

There used to be a Burger King in the ground-floor space, which I guess is worse than a Starbucks, and then after that a Quest Diagnostics, which is better. Upstairs there was a billiard parlor, then a bingo hall, then a dance club.

Wooden Stones

On a recent tour of Greenpoint, it was pointed out to me that cobblestones on West Street near Noble are actually made out of wood, not brick. I wouldn't have noticed it had I not looked closely.

The patch of sidewalk is near the wreck of the Greenpoint Terminal Market, but was not harmed by the horrible fire that consumed that property. Hardwood cobblestones were once quite common in the City, but I am told that this stretch may be the last example of the buidling material remaining in Gotham.

What's Going On With 110 Amity?

Last we heard Time Equities, the outfit that was behind the Lamm Institute mews development project at 110 Amity Street in Cobble Hill—which was deemed the Amity Street Horror by some—their plan had been reviled by the community and turned down by the Landmark Preservation Commission. The scheme had involved an objected-to new mews on the Henry Street side filled with townhouses. This led Francis Greenburger, CEO and Chairman, Time Equities Inc., to write an open letter to several local blogs (including this one). It read in part:

We value feedback from the community and the commission and will continue to address concerns, such as those that arose in the early meetings which led to design revisions of the Henry Street façade of the new townhouse.

At this point, we will re-conceive the project in a traditional street wall approach and try to present a plan that is responsive to the input received at the most recent Landmark hearing. As we did last time, we will reach out to the community and Landmark staff prior to presenting the final concept to the commission.

That was in late January. That would-be mews, the Henry Street lot, is now up for sale. (Second listing down.) The listing says the lot's "of right zoning will permit for a 15,660 buildable square foot residential building," and it has "great potential for high end condominium and/or residential apartments." (It never ever stops, does it?) Asking price? "Call for More Information!!!"

Did Time Equities throw in the towel rather than deal with the community and LPC? Did the economy cause they to abandon the project? And now what happens?

DOB's Lancaster Admits She Screwed Up, in Several Ways

Embattled Department of Building head Patricia Lancaster—who is twisting in the wind while her boss Michael Bloomberg airs his poetical works—confessed at a Thursday City Council hearing that the East Side building that last month sent a crane hurling to earth, killing seven people, was not only in severe violation of building codes but did not conform with zoning regulations and was approved in error.

You got that right: it shouldn't have been built in the first place!

My favorite part of the New York Times account is this jaw-dropping exchange:

"Wow," said Councilwoman Jessica S. Lappin, whose district includes the site of the crane collapse. "You’re telling me this building should never have been approved in the first place?"

"That is correct," Ms. Lancaster replied.

After her testimony, Ms. Lancaster sought to clarify her remarks with reporters.

I'll bet she did! The mistake of approving the building was apparent discovered before the crane accident, but not acted on "because buildings officials were talking to [developer James] Kennelly to resolve the matter." Only the DOB won't say exactly when the found out the 43-story thing had no write to be there.

Other things Lancaster can't account for include the pace of building construction in New York City. She had no real answer for the Council. Also, the locations of buildings it has deemed dangerous—like the one that suddenly collapsed in Harlem on March 4. The Daily News reported, "Buildings Commissioner Patricia Lancaster then promised a review of 'every outstanding emergency declaration in the city.' As of Wednesday [April 16] she could not provide the location of even one."

As of April 18, Lancaster still had her job. Somehow.

A Good (Temporary) Sign: Ortiz Funeral Home

Holy Smokes! That's the best thing I ever saw. Never fix it!

Whither Cobble Hill Towers?

The other day I was wondering to myself, if I had $60 million sitting around doing nothing, what would I do with it?

Today I got one possible answer. I could buy the Cobble Hill Towers, the historic, landmarked residential complex formerly known as the Home Apartments which stand on Hicks Street overlooking the BQE. The whole circa-1876, 188-apartment shebang in on the market. (Scroll down to the last listing.)

Sorry if I'm late in addressing this—Massey Knakel tells me the Towers have been for sale since the fall—but it's the first I've learned of it. This is a lovely structure, for those who don't know it, one of the finest bits of building in all of Brooklyn. They were built as tenements by Alfred Treadway White, who believed that even poor people deserved a decent place to live. Tenants reach their apartments by way of open-air stair towers leading to outside recessed balconies. Each unit has a separate entrance. When the setting sun hits the red brickface, it's a beautiful site, one that almost makes you forget the horrible gash that is the sunken highway.

Of the 188 apartments, 186 are rent stabilized, and two are free market. Rents are 50% of market rents. The complex allows a great many middle-class folk to remain in ritzy Cobble Hill. What would happen if it were sold to a new party, I don't know. But $60 million?! I can't imagine anyone would bite at that price without some condo dream or rent-stabilized smashing scheme in his dirty little mind.

In Cobble Hill, They're Proud of Their Garages

This heap of undistinguished bricks was built in 1918. Or so it would seem. Funny, though, the bricks don't look very old. Certainly the garage door is newish. And then there's that "CC." Which could be the initials of the builder. Or maybe it's a sly reference to the old abbreviation for "carbon copy." Could it be that the owner built a new garage where an old one used to sit and is having a joke with us? Not sure what is going on here.