Gage & Tollner in Hell

How many circles of Hell does Gage & Tollner have to pass through alongside the cavalier Virgil that is the New York Real Estate Market before it attains redemption? First it suffered being a TGI Friday's, draped in red and white. Then it became an Arby's, it's landmarked interior ignored by fast food fans. Now it isn't even a restaurant of any kind. It transformed into a gaudy cut-rate jewelry store, the kind that, you know, exclusively carries crap.

You can barely see any of the timeless, gaslight interior, what with those screaming pink partitions. Only the chandeliers remain on view. The store was ordered by the Landmarks Commission last summer to apply "for permits to keep the partitions or risk be fined up to $5,000 and then potentially additional penalties of up to $250 a day that the temporary paneling remains. Sources said the city wants the partitions removed." Well, the partitions are still there. So I guess they got their permits.

And now, it looks like Gage & Tollner may soon be vacant again. The building is covered with garish yellow "Blowout Sale" signs. It doesn't say "Going Out of Business" or "Everything Must Go," but you never know with this cursed space. Frankly, I'd rather see it empty than filled with those junky costume baubles.

Jiffy Cleaners Defaces Itself

It's been a bad summer for New York signage. Jiffy Cleaners in Ridgewood, Queens, is the latest old business to trade in a unique, charming piece of original signage (above) for a new, normal, boring and utterly anonymous plastic awning (below). How is it that business owners don't realize the distinction afforded them by great old signs? Not everyone has one, you know. Do they really think a new, but ordinary, awning (which will look dirty and old in six months time) will bring them more business? Are there studies that prove this?

Jiffy's been around for nearly 50 years, FYI.

Donovan's, Classic Irish Pub of Woodside, to Close

With all due respect to Woodside, Queens, there aren't many reasons to visit this unlovely neighborhood. The Stop Inn is one. The Station Cafe dive bar is another. Top of the list is Donovan's Pub, which could easily be called the most Irish Pub-y Irish pub in the five borough, and one of the best, too. It's got a great outside. It's got a great inside, with a sunken dining room and a working fireplace. And it may have the best burger in New York.

Bad news comes from Sunnyside Post that the site of Donovan’s Pub is up for sale for $3.2 million and "its future as a business is up in the air, according to a real estate firm that is listing the property." Joe Donovan, who is in his late 70s, is selling.

According to the ad, the buyer will be acquiring the property with two retail operations–a dress shop and Donovan’s. However, as part of the terms of the sale, the pub will be left vacant.

So, is Woodside without Donovan's worth visiting? I'm not so sure.

A Good Sign: Lenox Lounge

The one and only. In Harlem.

Carmine Merlino: Creator of Fine Men's Hairpieces

Carmine Merlino, "creator of fine men's hairpieces and ladies wigs," operates out of a funny little triangle of a storefront that occupies a narrow wedge of Emmons Avenue in Sheepshead Bay. His business is two stories tall, though both stories seem to be about as wide as a airplane bathroom.

Merlino has a lot of amusing signage. He calls his business a "Hair Replacement Studio." He boasts of a signature creation called "The Fantastico," which is "featherlight and undetectable."

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A Perfect Storefront: Stella Maris Fishing Station

Stella Maris Fishing Station is on Emmons Boulevard in Sheepshead Bay, with its back to the sea, and it's storefront is so perfect-looking that it's like a bait shop from central casting. (Nice Coca-Cola signs, but when do you think was the last time anyone went inside for a Coke?) The shop was founded in 1947. The website tells us this:

Here are some fishing rods we carry :

ugly stik, rouge, st Croix, star rods, plasma rods by star , shimano, tica, tsumani, seeker.

Here are some fishing reels we carry:

shimano, newell, penn, okuma, abu garica, avet, pro gear, delrin sidewinders 

We stock all fresh bait in season:

fresh bunker, fresh skimmers ( in shell or opened), mussels

We stock all live bait in season:

live eels, sand-worms, blood-worms, earth-worms, trout-worms, meal-worms, fiddler crabs, green crabs, white crabs, hermit crabs

Delmar Pizzeria Revisited

Last summer, I discovered the Sheepshead Bay oddity Delmar Pizzeria, which, perhaps alone among the city's pizzerias, proudly declares itself as specializing in white pizza.

The joint, founded in 1957, was closed when I first came upon it. The other day, however, I found it open and finally tasted the white slice. It was more expensive than a regular slice by 75 cents, costing $3.25. Though I'm not a big white pizza fan, I'd say it was worth it. The flavors were layered and very subtle. There was art there.

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Wheeler's Bar Spruces Up

I was passing by Wheeler's, the dyed-in-the-wool-Sheepshead-Bay dive, and noticed they had acquired a shiny new sign, and had ditched the former, weather-beaten, wooden sign, which I always thought was redolent of the neighborhood's seaside character. Also, the new sign shows the tavern is becoming aware of its age—never a good sign where an old bar is concerned. The self-conscious "Est. 1979" doesn't suit Wheeler's or its clientele.

Found the photo below of the sign switch on SheepsheadBay Bites.

Some Precincts Are Luckier Than Others

Some police precincts are luckier than others. Many of New York's Finest have to inhabit a graceless bunker day in and day out. I'm thinking of awful modern concrete police buildings like the 76th Precinct on Union Street in my own Carroll Gardens.

Other officers, meanwhile, get to report to work every day at a castle.

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