Cool Things You Can Do in Film Noir That You Can't Do in Real Life Anymore

*Call a taxi driver "cabbie" or "driver" without starting a class war.
*Have witty conversations with cops
*Be curt without being thought rude
*Light womens' cigarettes
*Wear a hat
*Climb bodily with ease into the back of a taxi.
*Catch a floor show
*Receive a telegram
*Send a telegram
*Catch a boxing match that's not at Madison Square Garden, Altantic City or Las Vegas
*Order a martini that's not served in a glass the size of a wok
*Drink in a bar without a jukebox or television blaring

A few trips to Film Forum's "B Noir" festival can sure dim the appeal of New York circa 2006.