Sounds Like Something He'd Say

I had lunch with an old friend the other day. A onetime resident of New York City, he had moved to Philadelphia recently, because he didn't like what Gotham was becoming, with its rampant, mindless development and exclusionary cost of living.

We were bitching about Bloomberg—his billionaire's outlet, his evident distaste for all the gritty characteristics that make New York what it is, his out-of-towner hick personality—when he told me a story. Three years ago, a friend of his was attending a party at which Bloomberg was in attendance, and she overheard Hizzoner say, "If I had my way, New York would look like Las Vegas."

It's heresay, I know. Who knows if it happened. But let's face it: It's true. It's what he thinks. It's what he'd like. He considers himself a great mayor of New York City because he's spent his entire time in office correcting New Yorkers in the error of their ways. We build things wrong. We eat wrong. We have bad habits. We drive wrong. We live wrong. We want the wrong things. We're messy and chaotic. He's going to fix us. And when he shows the world how he's fixed New York, he's going to fix the nation, which badly needs him and is bound to draft him into The White House....any....day....now.....