19 March 2008

Why?


In case you don't like the look of the people who use the Chase bank branch at the northwest corner of Fifth and 14th Street, you will soon have the option of using the Chase ATMs at the northeast corner of Fifth and 14th Street.

Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, WHY do they need two branches at the same goddam intersection? Where are the Dept. of City Planning police that outlawed these breeding-like-rabbits, Bear Stearns-buying bastards from spreading their seed over the newly zoned Harlem? Where? Why are they allowed to do this in the Village? It reminds me of that Lewis Black routine about being in a mall and seeing two Starbucks situated exactly opposite each other. He considered it a sign of the coming apocalypse.

I wonder—if enough people got together and began taking money out of one branch, then crossing the street and depositing it in the other branch, and thenn started doing the exact opposite, and just continued like that for several hours, would the two banks' computer brains become confused and explode?

What if we started a whispering campaign and told the tellers at either bank branch that the workers across the way though they were pussies and were likely the product of inbreeding? Would a grudge match in the middle of Sixth Avenue commence, with one workforce fighting the other to the death?

Let's keep thinking. Must be a way to get rid of one of these branches.

6 comments:

Marco said...

ATM fees

Brooks of Sheffield said...

Indeed! They are $3 now at Chase, the thieves. The highest fee in town!

Peter said...

Capital One, which recently acquired North Fork Bank, also charges $3 ATM fees.

thegayrecluse said...

Thank god that zoning passed in Harlem, because it actually prohibits ATM storefronts like this.

Sedge said...

actually, i think the Commerce bank that surrounds the current Chase will swallow up that space, once the new Chase across the street is done. but - that does not change the fact banks are like rabbits. ugh.

Nesta said...

Is it possible the one is moving across the street? Bigger space? Smaller space? Several weeks ago at 14th and 1st it appeared that a new Duane Reade was opening across the street from a slightly older Duane Reade. But as it turned out, once the new one officially opened, the other one closed. Of course, you have the Astor Place Starbucks mess, so who knows...