Carroll Gardens Gets Its Due

One of the better pieces of news in recent weeks has been that Carroll Gardens is on its way to get the downsizing rezoning its been asking for for years. In the early 2000's, the brownstone Brooklyn neighborhood became an easy target for avaricious developers, because it lacked the zoning protections and large historic districts enjoyed by nearby nabes like Cobble Hill, Boerum Hill and Park Slope. Community flouting slobs like Billy Stein, Robert Scarano and the Clarett Group were throwing up any sort of crap they pleased.

Amanda Burden and the Department of City Planning kept telling residents it would take years and years to address the matter. But the wheel of CG's many activist community groups (God bless 'em) never stopped squeaking, and, lo and behold, the Department of City Planning recently announced the beginning of the public review period (known as ULURP) for a more Carroll Gardens rezoning. Thrown into the bargain is the area west of the BQE surrounding Columbia Street. The new rules will instate certain height and density limitations for future building in the area.

The good news brought with it one of the best laughs I've had in days. Said Burden, “Today we are fulfilling that promise as well as furthering Mayor Bloomberg’s strategy to protect the city’s low-scale neighborhoods by bringing zoning protections to these unique areas."

I think she was actually serious.

Burden Will Decrease Carroll Gardens Height, But Only If We Write Her

There is apparently hope that Carroll Gardens won't become the skyscraper center of Brooklyn.

The neighborhood activist group CORD has sent out that alarm that City Planning Commissioner Amanda Burden "has said if the neighborhood calls for reduced height in significant numbers she will defer." But she'll only defer if we write to her and say so! I guess the years of public outcry against outsized development in South Brooklyn hasn't been convincing enough. She needs one more reminder.

Says the CORD letter:

Your letters and emails to Marty Markowitz had a big impact on his recommendation to City Planning.

The public review process has now moved to City Planning Commission, which held a public hearing last week at which some of us spoke. This is a tough forum because City Planning's own draft Gowanus Plan calls for 12 stories. But this is the most important place to make our case because we have a chance to influence their plan beyond the Toll Bros site...

Please submit the great letters you emailed Marty to the City Planning Commission. Unfortunately they do not accept email. Please mail to:

Chair Amanda M. Burden
City Planning Commission
22 Reade St, Room 2W
New York, NY 10007

The letters are due within 10 days of hearing, which is this Saturday, January 17 (sorry for the short notice!).*

So get those pencils moving! I wonder what Amanda means by "significant numbers"? Like, opening night at the Met numbers? Or average-size coming-out party numbers? Or would a largish dinner party on the Upper East Side do?

Lunch with Mike, Amanda and Patty

(Mayor Michael Bloomberg, City Planning Commissioner Amanda Burden and Department of Building Commissioner Patricia Lancaster walk down 52nd Street toward the Four Seasons Restaurant. Lancaster suddenly crosses to the other side of the street.)

Bloomberg: Patty! What's wrong with you. Get over here.

Lancaster: That thing looks a little shaky, Mr. Mayor.

Burden: What thing, Patty?

Lancaster: I don't walk under those anymore.

Bloomberg: That's an awning, you nitwit, not scaffolding. Stop cowering. I'm hungry. (Looks at the passing cars.) Goddamn traffic!

(They pass up the stairs to the restaurant.)

Bloomberg: Hello, Julian.

Julian Niccolini: Mr. Mayor, so good to see you. Your usual table?

Burden: The pool! The pool!

Bloomberg: The Grill Room is better for business.

Burden: The pool!

Bloomberg: All right, all right. Don't know how Steve Ross put up with you, Amanda. Julian, this place still landmarked?

Julian: I am happy to say it is. One of only two restaurant interiors in the city.

Bloomberg: What's the other?

Julian: Gage & Tollner in Brooklyn.

Bloomberg: Yeah. That closed, didn't it. It's a TGI Friday's now. Not as good as Subway, but good.

Julian: I believe that restaurant is also gone now.

Bloomberg: Too bad. It was good.

Julian: I did not have the pleasure.

Bloomberg: Yeah, yeah. If you want to fix that landmarking thing, just let me know. I can make it happen. You could spiff up the place. Give it a new look.

Julian: I will keep that in mind, Mr. Mayor. Here you are, ladies.

Lancaster: My, these prices are high.

Bloomberg: Look at those ceilings. Lot of wasted space here. Could fit three, four condo units in here.

Lancaster: Are there sharing plates?

Bloomberg: When are they gonna get Cheeze-its on this thing? I've told Julian...

Burden: I'm having the lobster.

Bloomberg: Me, too.

Lancaster: But they don't list the price.

Burden: Don't be such a skinflint, Patty. Live a little.

Lancaster: But...

Bloomberg: What you need is one of those things Quinn has, that slush fund...

Lancaster: Really? Can I get one of those?

Bloomberg: Uh, no. Belt-tightening, Patty. Belt-tightening. I'm asking all of the agencies...

Lancaster: But I read where you have more staff than ever...

Bloomberg: I asking most of the agencies...

Lancaster: I was just thinking I could use a few more building inspectors...

Bloomberg: The economy. Fiscal responsibility, Patty. I run City Hall like a business. Lotsa cubicles. That's why I'm such a raging success and people want me to be President.

Burden: I thought that was...

Bloomberg: I mean Governor.

Burden: Now, this is the kind of place I was talking about. The kind of place Harlem needs more of.

Lancaster: The Four Seasons?

Burden: If there was a Four Seasons on 125th Street, people would go to the Appalling Theatre.

Bloomberg: Apollo.

Burden: The Apollo Theatre. People will understand when the building gets underway. I know. I was a public schoolteacher in Harlem in the 1960s and there was never any decent sushi.

Bloomberg: Building? That reminds me. How much building we got going on, Patty.

Lancaster: I don't know. They keep asking me that. I don't know.

Bloomberg: Well, how many buildings did you approve today?

Lancaster: None.

Burden: None? Not even for 125th Street? Do you need an engraved invitation?

Lancaster: Well, there was that crane thing...

Bloomberg: I not interested in some new chick at the Bronx Zoo.

Lancaster: No, the crane that fell down. On the East Side.

Bloomberg: That was weeks ago.

Lancaster: People are upset, I'm afraid. My feet are really to the fire. They're accusing me of the most upsetting things...

Burden: So what? That crazy man at the commission meeting when we approved the Harlem rezoning yelled at me. He called me "a rich, rich, rich person."

Lancaster: Actually he called you a rich, rich, rich horrible person.

Burden: Oh. I wondered why he was so upset. I thought he was just jealous. If he wants to be rich, he should marry his own money.

Bloomberg: What's wrong with people? This is the nature of development. A few falling cranes are perfectly normal.

Lancaster: But people died...

Bloomberg: A few deaths are perfectly normal. Why, I killed a few people building my place in Bermuda. My God, Patty, do I have to have Doctoroff call you again and explain it all?

Lancaster: (shuddering) No, no, please don't do that.

Bloomberg: Man, cranes weren't falling when Doctoroff was around. I'm going to have Doctoroff call you.

Lancaster: No, please, Mr. Mayor...

Waiter: Have you decided?

Burden: Lobster. And the foie gras to start.

Bloomberg: That stuff'll kill you. You know what they do to those geese? I'm thinking of outlawing it in New York restaurants. That and salt. I'll have Lobster, too. Beet salad to start.

Lancaster: Could I get a bowl of consomme?

Burden: Oh, for heaven's sake, Patty, why don't ask them to boil you up some Raman noodles?

Lancaster: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not the richest person in New York City.

Burden: Well, neither am I, but you don't see me complaining.

Bloomberg: I am! But my parents were middle-class. Did I mention that. In fact, they were the last decent middle-class people to live in this country. Now all the best people are rich.

Lancaster: I'm not hungry.

Bloomberg: Amanda, how's that Chinatown rezoning coming?

Burden: Almost there. You know, I can never find anyplace to eat down there.

Bloomberg: Because I was on Pell Street the other day and all those buildings seemed really short. And dirty. The area's a mess.

Burden: It'll soon be fixed.

Julian: (carrying a bottle of Krug champagne) With the compliments of the gentleman across the pool.

Bloomberg: Who's that? Ah, geez. Ratner. Send it back, send it back. He's just wants something. Say, Julian, Obama been here lately?

Julian: Not in the past week.

Bloomberg: I've got an idea I want to run by him.

(Suddenly there is a loud crack following by a creaking sound. A huge crane crashes through the west wall of the Pool Room landing on Bruce Ratner, killing him instantly.)

Burden: Uh. My dress!

Lancaster: (rocking back and forth, reciting as if by rote) I inherited from Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani a department in disarray. I inherited from Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani a department in disarray.

Bloomberg: On second thought, Julian, leave the Krug.

Assuring the Palm Beach Crowd

The King of NYCabbies alerted me this article in the current issue of the Palm Beach Daily News ("The Shiny Sheet"), in which, as the KOC aptly put it, Department of City Planning commissioner Amanda Burden speaks to her true constituency.

I'm just going to reprint the article in all its astouding lack of irony, boldfacing lines that particularly give me the chills in their implied meaning. My totally measured and reasonable observations are in brackets. Please note that this article about New York's future is written by paper's FASHION EDITOR!

Planner Amanda Burden explains future of New York City to Preservation Foundation of Palm Beach

By ROBERT JANJIGIAN
Daily News Fashion Editor

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Community planning, zoning and development issues are at the fore in town this season.

To reflect — and perhaps encourage ["perhaps" indeed; Burden doesn't want any dialog] — the ongoing dialog and to educate the public about the principles and goals of sensible growth strategies, the Preservation Foundation asked Amanda Burden, director of the New York City Department of City Planning and chairwoman of the City Planning Commission, to deliver the March 14 Gruss master architect lecture, traditionally presented by a distinguished practitioner of design.

Burden works for Mayor Michael Bloomberg, whom she calls a great figure "who wants to make a difference." [My God. He's a Svengali figure to his various commissioners.] She is charged with devising development strategies for New York City, with an eye toward improving economic conditions and quality of life. [Quality of life for whom? Folks of her tax bracket?]

An important part of her job is maintaining the city's position as a city of global stature, [Are we in danger of losing our position at a city of global stature? Will only overdevelopment save us?] able to compete with economic and cultural capitals around the world while creating and maintaining vibrant and diverse neighborhoods [Her plans, of course, quash diversity, not encourage it; what they create is homogeneity], waterfront sites and public spaces — and encouraging top level, sustainable design. [I'm not aware that much of the jerrybuilt crapitecture she engenders with her rezonings is sustainable or top level. I've always considered it bottom-run development never meant to last the ages.]

"We're trying to shape the city," said Burden, noting that 79 rezoning plans have been passed, with more than one-sixth of the city targeted for redevelopment.
[Holy shit! One sixth of the City's in Bloomberg's image. Hello, Atlanta!]
She discussed several projects, some nearing completion, each reflecting the goals that she and the city administration consider essential:

* Restoration and enhancement of Lower Manhattan.

"It was suffering even before 9/11," Burden said. "The area was all business and went to bed promptly at 5 p.m."

Burden's office has induced an increase in residential development downtown, with a potential to draw 10,000 families to new apartments and condominiums and, with them, an influx of a variety of restaurants and shops.

* Implementation of Manhattan's Hudson Yards district.

"There are no sites in midtown Manhattan for office towers," Burden said. "Zoning, which allowed only low-density buildings, on the far west side of midtown had killed the area." [Oh, ick! Low-density buildings! The work of the Devil, they are! They kill neighborhoods. Only tall buildings revive areas.]

She intends to redesignate 59 blocks on the West Side, extending the dense midtown skyline west toward the Hudson River. [Just what anyone would want, an extension of that suffocating skyline] The change would allow a potential 24 million square feet of office space, as well as a supply of homes.

"Yes, it's dense, but it's very key to maintain New York's competitive edge in the world, and this will address that aim," she said. [This represents a rare bit of questioning from the reporter in this article. Again, Burden is blinkered. She can see no other solution for improving New York than overdevelopment. Competitive edge=tall, shiny towers. How can someone so limited in imagination be in charge of city planning?]

Part of the plan includes parks along a new boulevard spine and extension of a subway line.

"Transportation access is very important," she said. "Weaving parks and open spaces into the plan creates real estate value."

* Developing regional business districts.

Burden's office envisions an office district in downtown Brooklyn, which she describes as having fabulous assets, including access to surrounding low-scale residential neighborhoods, superior transportation and the potential for plenty of residential development alongside commercial properties, with mixed-use development a priority.

Within that context, Burden advises town planners to "invest in public open space and transportation."

* For Long Island City, Burden envisions an office district [She sure likes office districts.] that combines preservation of the area's low-density character with growth. New buildings, some quite large, built in strategic locations will "give an identification to Long Island City," she said. [Long Island City residents already feel they have an identity, lady.]

* The city is rezoning the entire South Bronx to encourage residential and retail development in conjunction with the new Yankee Stadium.

Manhattan's 125th Street corridor "needs new zoning that will catalyze development," Burden said.

The historic street, home of the Apollo Theater, was described as a dull succession of one-story buildings [Again: small buildings=neighborhood killers] with no cultural center [WTF!], no residential development and no restaurants. [There it is again! Restaurants! She's obsessed with getting fois gras in Harlem!] Burden's plan offers developers a bonus for the inclusion of arts, entertainment, dining and retail elements, which are required to gain the necessary approvals from the city.

"Banks can deaden an environment, closing their doors at 3 p.m.," she said. "We've zoned for limited bank exposure on the street level, positioning the banking floors on the second floor to encourage more vitality." [This is the only good idea you've got, Burden! Make it citywide!]

Burden believes 8,800 new jobs and thousands of needed apartments will result from the 125th Street redevelopment plan.

She went on to detail plans for a waterfront residential development along the "completely abandoned" East River shoreline in the Greenpoint and Williamsburg neighborhoods of Brooklyn.

The High Line elevated railway park in Manhattan's West Chelsea district is intended to add value to the existing real estate, preserve the gallery district and create housing on the perimeter.

And rezoning Brooklyn's Coney Island will save it as a year-round community and amusement park site. [What? It was dead? I know lots of people who go there every summer. Sorry it it's too gritty for your clean white suit, Amanda.]

In the sustainability arena, Burden outlined plans for "greening" open spaces: parking lots will be required to include planted medians and shade trees, and 75 percent of residential front yards in the outer boroughs will be required to be planted, not paved over.

Ladies and gentelmen, this is what she actually thinks. Of course, they're not really her thoughts, any more than DOB head Patricia Lancaster's are hers. They're fed to them by Mayor Mike.

Only 651 days until he's gone, people.

Some Stuff That's About Harlem

The City Fathers pushed through the rezoning of 125th Street yesterday, and, as Curbed points out, the furor began this morning. Did we expect anything else?

The Daily News charted the unpleasant reaction when the Planning Commission revealed their vote, with one resident saying "They want it to look like 86th St.," which has evolved into a serious epithet in recent months. Nobody wants to look like 86th Street.

The conservative New York Post also gave the negative reaction good coverage, helping to make an anti-development celebrity out of Michael Henry Adams, an architectural historian and author of "Harlem Lost & Found." Adam blew a gasket at the meet, screaming at the commission's chairwoman, Amanda "Park Avenue" Burden, "You're a rich, rich, rich horrible person. You're destroying our communities. You're a rich, rich socialite. You're a rich, rich socialite. How dare you! You're destroying Harlem. You're getting rid of all the black people." Let me buy that man a drink. And a sedative.

The New York Sun didn't mention Mssr. Adams and gave the whole vote a fairly positive twist.

I didn't see anything in the Times.