30 June 2008

Telltale Signs That Your Child Will Grow Up to Be a Landlord

*They charge their friends a quarter an hour to play with their toys.

*Sleepover guests must arrive equipped with their own bed, bedding and foodstuffs for dinner and breakfast.

*Takes out a library card under the name of a shell corporation.

*Charges 50 cents more for their lemonade than kids at other stands do, due to "rising cooling costs."

*Complains about the unions that make Lincoln Logs and Legos as being hopelessly corrupt.

*Favorite scene from literature is when Tom Sawyer tricks others into whitewashing his aunt's picket fence.

*Gets cranky and moody when you visit Grandma in her rent-controlled three-bedroom in a Pre-War on the Upper West Side.

*Keeps asking you when you're going to stop renting and buy a home.

*Knows how to use the word "flip" in a sentence.

*Picks out birthday presents for his friends' birthday parties only after estimating the worth of forthcoming "birthday bag."

*Gripes that the student government at his elementary school ties up kids with unnecessary red tape and discourages the entrepreneur.

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